Monthly Archives: October 2010

Three Thesaurus Thursday- Conversation

1. I spent an hour and a half in a telephone conversation with my boss. That seems like enough work for the day, doesn’t it? Seriously, I had to work at paying attention to him for that long.

2. I sat in a rigid office chair while having a colloquy on the signs of insanity indubitably showing in the guy down the hall.

3. She braced herself for the palaver she would have to endure that evening. Undoubtedly, she would prefer to be running discalced through the variegated leaves deposited on the cool asphalt. Fall was a transcendent time to run. She unshod as often as her schedule allowed.

Welcome to the first installment of Thesaurus Thursday. Once I get started, I have trouble terminating.

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Filed under Barefoot, personality flaws, thesaurus

Going Public

This morning I found it hugely difficult to get out of bed. I have anxiety issues when I sleep in hotels. I’m not anxious about bed bugs or strangers breaking into my room. I’m anxious about not setting the alarm correctly or not giving myself enough time to get ready in the morning. As a result, I jump up, search for a clock and do backwards time calculations every half hour of the night. I always seem to be actually sleeping at the minute the alarm clock goes off. It’s very hard to give up sleep once you have acquired it.

Never the less, I had a run to do. So, get out of bed I did. Dressed in my overly bright LiveStrong T-shirt and Sunday running shorts, I slipped into my dress flats and headed down to the hotel fitness room.

Despite two people already being there, I strode over to the treadmill with purpose. I slipped off the shoes and stepped on the belt completely bare.

I imagined the others in the room asking me if I was worried about picking up a disease or fungus. I imagined saying no because I was sure I was the only one who had ever gone bare on it. Mostly, I imagined them thinking I was some silly woman who had forgotten her workout shoes. I like to think that after I finished 2.75 miles that they just might have considered that I was running barefoot on purpose.

The Dress Flats

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The Bachelorette

I’m off to the bachelorette party for my future SIL.

What’s going to happen? Wouldn’t you like to know!

I’m mostly hoping I’m sober enough in the morning to go for a run to work off the Plainwell Ice Cream I am for sure eating tonight.

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Fatty Wear Is Here

Can you picture me hugging a shirt?

You should be able to because I’ve been doing it for the last hour. You’d think it was the wedding dress of my dreams.

My Fatty wear finally arrived! I finally feel like a member of the Fatty team. (except its a runners shirt not a cyclist jersey so I still have some mountains to climb) The shirt is totally awesome. Take a look, I know you are jealous.

The front.

Twin Six is….. Hold on. I have to pull out my thesaurus because I’ve used awesome too much lately so it feels like an understatement… Twin Six is magnificent!!

They are also magnanimous.

The shirt is opulent.

The back. Heavyweight Horsepower!

Ok, enough of my school girl crush.

In Training
Eight months ago, a bunch of Spark friends ran together in the Mardi GRAS marathon. Filled with envy and longing, I read their reports of kindred spirits, good times, and fantastic support. They had such a marvelous time that they vowed to repeat the experience at the ING Miami marathon and half marathon. I vowed to think about it.

You’re about to tell me to just go out and do it. I’m about to say it’s not that easy. You’re about to say yes it is, just do it. I’m about to respond…

Enough of that nonsense.

I don’t know if I’ll do it or swing it but I am going to start training for the half as if I just might. Why not the full? I don’t know. I’ve just never had the desire.

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Filed under cycling, personality flaws, running

The Real Reason You Drink Water

Rule #1 in weight loss- Drink at least 8 glasses of water a day.

They say you need to drink 8 glasses of water a day so that your metabolism functions properly and you don’t retain water … something like that.   

 Horse hockey.

The truth is that when you drink lots of water you have to pee really bad all the time. When I have to pee that bad I can’t think about anything but getting to the bathroom. If I’m thinking about getting to the bathroom before I pee my pants then I can’t be thinking about how hungry I am because I just started a diet. If I’m obsessing over making it through a meeting before needing to do the pee-pee dance, I won’t be able to obsess over the twenty delightful pastries they brought in for the meeting.

As you can tell, I just got back from the ladies room and suddenly realized I’m starving! And thinking a bit too much…now.

The diet pepsi can is just there for size reference.

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Filed under personality flaws, Weight loss

Fatty Wear

I’m reading many posts on the www.fatcyclist.com blog about fans receiving their 2010 Fatty wear, my heart is beginning to pound.  Yipee!  My Fatty wear must be here too!

Unfortunately, when the cat is away, this mouse never remembers to check the mail.  Eeek! I’d better get the mail.

Sliding over to the heavy wooden door, I hear the click of the bolt lock retreating into the door.  I turn the door knob and hold my breath hoping the creak of the door won’t wake the boys.

Swish.

Huh, there isn’t any creak tonight.  I wonder how I can make that a permanent situation?  Oh, I’d probably have to ship the door to live in Arizona where there is never any humidity.  Wait. Focus.. Fatty wear… mailbox…right!

Under the cover of night and a very bright front porch light, in my gray ratty robe, red fleecy pj pants, and hand knitted old lady foot blankies (aka slippers), I leap onto the damp grass and sprint to the mailbox.  I stop breathing while I grasp the handle of the mailbox.

~~~~~~~~ (squiggly lines of day dreaming)~~~~~~~~~~~~

I’ll wake up at 5 am to run a 10K in my 2010 Fatty wear runner’s shirt, I fantasize.  I’ll take fabulous pictures of the mouse running on the hamster wheel.  I envision artistic quality pictures that will grant me fame and fortune as a marvelous blogger.  I’ll get more than five people reading my blog.

————-(straight lines bringing back reality)——————-

My mailbox has nothing more than a stack of bills and political propaganda.  Oh, man.  Where’s my Fatty wear??

Through the stately pine trees of the ancient lady’s house on the corner, I hear a noise akin to a werewolf on the prowl for a plump ol’ meal (me).  With speed that would make that werewolf envious, I cross the road, the yard, and the porch to yank the door open and jump inside slamming the door shut and jam the bolt lock into place.  It was more like a coyote call from the nearby prairie preservation, I tell myself as I take deep breaths to settle the shaking in my hands and arms.

Then I remembered that the local Lion’s club is setting up a haunted hike in the park and was most likely practicing their wolf calls.

Still, through the anticipation of fatty wear and the fear of werewolves, my heart rate was elevated for at least 15 minutes.  That has to be a 75-100 calories burn, right?

.

.

.

Later that night, a peculiar shape slips past a half dead blue spruce causing several branches to drop a significant number of needles on top of an already heaping pile.  The shadow of this thing passing in the night looks almost like a human bent at an odd angles.  The thing tears at a white package.

“These cursed new age packaging materials with synthetic tear resistant fibers,” it growls as it takes a corner of the package into its mouth.  After some time, the synthetic fibers finally give way to the gagged teeth of this peculiarly shaped thing.  A knarled and bent hand reaches into the package to reveal a coveted shirt.  It bends its head back and howls, “Yahoooo!  Fatty-eeeeee!”  Quickly, it quiets down so that it does not wake the beings inside the house because it knows the mouse will fight the demons of hell themselves to get her Fatty wear (designed by Twin Six) back.   Having found what it came for, it runs off through the stately pines into the woods.

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Filed under fiction, personality flaws

Lawyer Does Manual Work, Ends Up In Hospital

A frugal lawyer from Milwaukee, WI invited his cousin and uncle over for some male bonding by way of replacing the roof on his ranch style home last weekend. Initially, the lawyer was encouraged when the weather was forecasted with sunny, rain-free days but the good times weren’t meant to last.

“It’s going to be fun. I haven’t worked on a home project since I cleaned out all those old margarine containers from my mom’s basement.” The lawyer was heard saying a few days earlier.

With above average temperatures and cloudless skies, the project started off well on Thursday. The three men managed to tear off more than half of the old shingles in one day. The lawyer even called a friend that was scheduled to work on Saturday and informed him that his services would not be needed.

However, just fifteen hours after the start of the project, the situation started to decline. The lawyer woke up in the middle of the night needing to run to the bathroom to throw up the beer he had for dinner. Although, he continued to feel ill the next morning, he was determined to not look like a pussy. Unfortunately, that could not be avoided as the lawyer had to take a nap by 3 pm. Later, when the lawyer’s wife arrived home she insisted he go to the emergency room for rehydration. Doctors admitted the lawyer for over exertion and kept him for observation for two days.

“I can’t understand how I could be over exerted. I walk on the golf course at least three times a week. Those golf clubs get pretty heavy after two holes. ”

The lawyer’s cousin got additional assistance from his own wife (me) and a friend. They trudged on while the lawyer laid in wait in a private, air conditioned hospital room.

Doctors released the lawyer from the hospital on Sunday just an hour before his cousin, his uncle, and his cousin’s wife put the cap on the roof.

(This is a true story except the golf comment. This lawyer does take daily walks but doesn’t golf.)

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