Monthly Archives: December 2010

An Old Friend Speaks The Truth

Harvesting by The Corn Fed Girls

Old friend of mine, It’s not the first time you’ve heard me say, what I’ve gotta say

Hey man, listen, I’m tired of you pissin’ your whole life away

Used be a wonder in your eye

Used to laugh a hundred times a night

This is a song written and sung by a band, The Corn Fed Girls, that an old college friend of mine is in.  The song isn’t about me but it feels like they know and Darcy is singing to me.

Just before the holidays, I was speaking to my boss on the phone who is located on the east coast.  He generously offered for me to work from home whenever I need to, you know, because of the kids and holidays, etc.

Sounds like a great offer, doesn’t it?

Especially to someone who has put on enough weight this month year that only one pair of her work pants now “fit”.   If I could work from home one day a week… then that would be one less day a week when I’d have to worry about how I look or what other people think!  The more I get depressed about my failures this year, the more enticing this offer is.  No one will “know”.

Wrong on two accounts.

1. People will know.  They always know.

2. I’ll still know and it won’t make me feel any better knowing the real reason I stayed home.

…staying home from work to avoid the clothes that won’t fit anymore and avoid people knowing that I’m blowing up like a whale…that prospect scares me.

No! Those aren’t the solutions I’m looking for.  I’m tired of pissin’ my life away too.  I used to have a wonder in my eye.  I used to laugh a hundred times a day.

I’m putting myself out there.  I’m facing everyone but what I’m really doing is facing myself.  I’ve never really hit rock bottom before but I have to believe that realizing that I’ve started to enter a mental state suggesting that I hide myself away from the public, from myself has to be a rock bottom.

I used to have a wonder in my eye.  I used to laugh a hundred times a day.

I want that.  I miss me.

Listen to The Corn Fed Girls.  Pearlie is one of my favorites.


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Filed under music, personality flaws, Weight loss

Forecast Says Run

My husband said the forecast on Monday would be 23 degrees F.  I was excited because that would be a pretty nice temperature for running in the winter.  Only, I didn’t ask what was forecasted for the early morning.

I stepped outside in my new pants that I received as a Christmas present and a double layer of long sleeves (one tech layer, one cotton).  I accessorized with my favorite wool hat and new stripped gloves (also a Christmas present).  I also wore my red snowflake socks and shoes. (I can’t wait to be able to run without shoes again) 

Enough pictures of my feet. How about my hands?

I thought to myself, “Whoa.  This feels colder than 23 deg F.”

But, who’s going to stop running when they’ve taken a half day of vacation?  Not me. 

The sidewalks were a struggle through most of the town because apparently, you are not required to clean your sidewalks after a snowfall.  Only people like the hubs, who has undiagnosed OCD, will go out and clean their sidewalk. 

Still, it had to get better.  It had been up to 36 deg F on Sunday.  Everything had been melting everywhere.

Once I got into downtown, the sidewalks were nice and clean, I opted to take the route through South Island over the one lane bridge.   The road leading to the park is along the major (Route 66) road through town.  So, I am always glad to get off those sidewalks and enter South Island.  Normally, I’m too embarassed about the bounce of my bum (especially in fitted pants) to take heavy traffic routes but, South Island provides a nice 4 mile run.  Yes, the run is more important than other things.

 Just as my embarrassing minutes of bouncing running on Route 66 came to a close.  I did something even more embarassing.  I stepped off the side walk to take the left turn onto the road entering South Island.  When… shwiiipppp.  BOOM.  I landed right on my front just as a truck was passing by.  It was a large section of black ice.  I nearly fell again trying to get up.  I guess I would have laughed at the hollywood-ness of the shot, if I had fallen. again.  

No major injuries to keep me from finishing the run.  I liked the fitted pants a lot but decided that I should check the actual temperature when I got home so that I would know that in those conditions I need an insulating layer over top.  I arrived home and took off my wool cap.  The braded cords on the sides were covered in frozen frost from my breath.  A quick check on NOAA indicated that it was less than 10 deg F.  NO WONDER! 

The heat of the wood stove melted the frost before I could get a picture of it.

Oh, well.  I forcasted that I would run in the morning.  Despite the weather forecast, I ran.

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Flip A Coin

I am at work today.  Why?  I don’t know because there isn’t anyone else here and no customers looking for information…

So, it’s lunchtime.  I have left-over over-cooked, slightly burnt steak in  my lunch.

Or, I can eat a serving of white chocolate covered pretzels. 

yeah….  I don’t like left-over perfectly cooked steak for lunch to begin with.  I tried to tell the hubs that I didn’t want steak for lunch.  I got the evil eye and I-slaved-over-a-hot-stovegrill-for-you look.  So, I took it.   Grabbing something like a healthy Subway sandwich isn’t an option since I’ve put myself in a spending freeze. 

Here are my choices.


Yummy evil stuff


Actually, now that I look at it.  The steak doesn’t look as bad as the one I ate last night. 

Flip the coin.  Heads steak.  Tails pretzels.

The coin says Steak.

Too bad, I already ate all the pretzels writting this post.

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A Question Of Faith

My extended family spans from extremely devote to extremely atheist. 

Some may say it is strange that my atheist brother-in-law created a Christmas music CD and has created one for the past 12 or so years.  1. They don’t know my brother-in-law.  2. Lets face it, Christmas is so commercialized these days that believers have a hard time finding the true meaning of Christmas not the other way around. 

My husband and I are the black sheep in his family because we are not religious.  We only go to church a couple of times a year (when forced).  We do not serve the church the way the rest of the family does.  His brother has even gone so far as to lecture us on the upbringing of our kids and our heathen ways.  It’s creating strife in the family.

As a scientifically educated person, I can not deny evidence that supports evolution, the big bang, and molecular details.  These are the things that are the root of questioning God’s existence.  These are the things that make me question The Bible. 

There was one science professor in college that had a lasting impact on me.  I don’t recall his name but I do recall much of what he taught me in that gigantic auditorium.  That professor taught Astronomy.  Outer space is one fact that puts colossal dent into the heavens theory.  But, one day, standing in front of 200 people he never knew, my professor said something that hit me to the core. 

“Everything about outer space goes against what we’ve been taught about God, creation, and etc.  But think about this, the universe just happens to be in the right place, the sun just happens to be the right size, the earth just happens to be the right distance from the sun to be neither too hot, nor too cold, and the atmosphere on earth just happens to support life.  Now, look at how difficult it is to reproduce all these things in the laboratory and yet… it just happened on a global scale here?  Seems like too many coincidences just happened to be happening entirely on their own.”

In other words, God made it possible.

So, yes, I am a believer but I don’t believe in everything. Religion is one of those things I question quite a bit.  I think that mankind has been pretty arrogant throughout the centuries and I don’t believe we’ll know the truth until we get to heaven.  

I’m not sure what that makes me but I don’t have time right now because I need to head off to look for the lyrics to O’ Little Town of Bethlehem for my at-home version of The Nativity.

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Monday’s Million Mangled Musings

Randomly selected

1. Monday + Getting Older = Cranky, Cranky, Cranky  – I’m almost sorry for how irritable I’m being toward completely innocent (that is just me trying to be nice because these people totally deserve it ) victims.

248. The cookie social was a real great idea.  I was about the only person who ate any cookies and I only did that to encourage others to eat cookies.  15 minutes everyone was back in their offices like they were desperate to stop breathing the same air as any of the rest of us.  We have a lot of fraternization in our office.

6070. Wrapping pillows for Christmas is like trying to catch a baby pig in a farm contest. 

1056. We didn’t start soon enough and won’t collect enough money to turn their water back on.  How much more will I have to volunteer, donate, collect, or bleed before I feel like I am able to ease my survivor guilt? (Since I am really irritable today, this isn’t coming across in the correct way)

3456. The Cornfed Girls make me long for something that never existed to begin with.

4. 5 miles on Friday, 4 miles today and I’m two miles further behind than I thought.  I’ve got 25.6 miles to go and I don’t think I’m gonna make it.

52. I try really hard to not use words like gonna.  Well, maybe not real hard.

899.  Some fitness expert asked me to give my opinion on his article about how barefoot running was really only for avid runners of perfect fitness and the rest of us should just go throw our money over the hill (on a new pair of shoes).  See #1 and you’ll think that I probably should have waited a week to respond.

90,876.  I stepped on the scale today.  Yippee!  What a really intelligent thing to do on my birthday.  Starting off this next year with the perfect black cloud over my head.

300.  Ok, so I forgot to leave the key with someone so that the scouts could practice singing before they went to the nursing home.  It really puts the icing on the cake for them since I didn’t show up (was never planning to) to go with them.  Let me remind you.  I was asked, I didn’t request the job.

632. I think the Angry Runner is a body snatcher and feeding off me.  I hope I’m not too salty.

30,549. My spelling is horendous.  It really pisses me off when I can’t spell a word closely enough to the real thing to get the right spelling so that my writing can say what I really want it to say rather than a close-but-no-cigar second.

1,000,000.  I’m about to pee my pants.

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Filed under Barefoot, personality flaws, running

Christmas Slumber Party

Fred and The Pillows


One of the production managers walked by my office a few minutes ago and asked if I was having a slumber party.

It started out because our HR assistant, HR A, is in charge of making our company look good to the local communities.  She’s good at it.  Most people believe that Christmas is for kids.  HR A wanted to reach out to a group that tend to be overlooked even though the song says “kids from 1 to 92“.   

Nearby, is a senior resident home.  Five seniors living there do not have any family to share the holiday with and can’t really afford some of the basic needs.  The lists weren’t very long but included things like robes, night-gowns, pots and pans, lotions, and etc.  Basically, they just need a little generosity sent their way.

I have spent the better part of my thitbmmmsnm years securing the perfect pillow.  I’ve been known to go as far as to modify my pillow by sewing buttons or other things into just the right places while adding fluff too.   So, when I saw that two of the seniors had listed two standard pillows, I knew what I had to do.  I ran down to my local shopping place and picked up 4 of my favorite pillows, soft but firm.   I hope they like them as well as I do.

… I envision Ethel (I don’t know their names, I’m just imaging them) and Ruth hugging their pillows tight to their chests as they run toward the TV with a throw rug dragging behind them.  It’s a Christmas slumber party at the senior resident home.  I see them snuggling down with their pillows and throws on the floor in front of the TV as they sing along with Rosemary Clooney and Vera Ellen (actually Trudy Stevens) to “Sisters” as they watch White Christmas.  They are not sisters but as close as two sisters would be…

Now, I just need to wrap the pillows and give them to HR A which is why they sit in the chairs in my office as I procrastinate until the very last moment.

Check out today’s Christmas socks.

Christmas Tree Socks

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Filed under personality flaws, wonderland


Chris came into my office a half hour ago saying, “I can’t wait any longer. Here’s your present,” and held out her hand. I ripped off the blue bow and unfolded a joy.

Santa Socks!

She said it was a three fold present.
1. Just a gift
2. Christmas socks that she knows I wear long after Christmas.
3. They have the toes to go in my “ugly” (VFFs) shoes. Her words not mine.

Just to be clear, Chris does not condone my fashion choices but she is my friend so she buys me what I like. (I wonder how long it will be before I have fifty pairs?)

Just to be clear, I can’t wait to run in them!

Got in a 4.5 mile run in 40 minutes running over a mile per hour faster than last week’s lesson run.

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Filed under personality flaws, running, Vibram Five Fingers