An Old Friend Speaks The Truth

Harvesting by The Corn Fed Girls

Old friend of mine, It’s not the first time you’ve heard me say, what I’ve gotta say

Hey man, listen, I’m tired of you pissin’ your whole life away

Used be a wonder in your eye

Used to laugh a hundred times a night

This is a song written and sung by a band, The Corn Fed Girls, that an old college friend of mine is in.  The song isn’t about me but it feels like they know and Darcy is singing to me.

Just before the holidays, I was speaking to my boss on the phone who is located on the east coast.  He generously offered for me to work from home whenever I need to, you know, because of the kids and holidays, etc.

Sounds like a great offer, doesn’t it?

Especially to someone who has put on enough weight this month year that only one pair of her work pants now “fit”.   If I could work from home one day a week… then that would be one less day a week when I’d have to worry about how I look or what other people think!  The more I get depressed about my failures this year, the more enticing this offer is.  No one will “know”.

Wrong on two accounts.

1. People will know.  They always know.

2. I’ll still know and it won’t make me feel any better knowing the real reason I stayed home.

…staying home from work to avoid the clothes that won’t fit anymore and avoid people knowing that I’m blowing up like a whale…that prospect scares me.

No! Those aren’t the solutions I’m looking for.  I’m tired of pissin’ my life away too.  I used to have a wonder in my eye.  I used to laugh a hundred times a day.

I’m putting myself out there.  I’m facing everyone but what I’m really doing is facing myself.  I’ve never really hit rock bottom before but I have to believe that realizing that I’ve started to enter a mental state suggesting that I hide myself away from the public, from myself has to be a rock bottom.

I used to have a wonder in my eye.  I used to laugh a hundred times a day.

I want that.  I miss me.

Listen to The Corn Fed Girls.  Pearlie is one of my favorites.


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Filed under music, personality flaws, Weight loss

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