Normally, I’m discouraged from going grocery shopping because the husband will do it faster than I will. However, I drove Mik to the park district video game design class last night, so, it seemed to make sense that I would stop in at the grocery store to pick up provisions for the camping trip. By provisions, I mean the ingredients for S’mores. I realized two problems with sending me to the store to buy graham crackers, chocolate bars and marshmallows.
First, sending me to a grocery store is like forcing a mouse to navigate a confounding maze to find cheese. If I were on Supermarket Sweep, the TV game show were you had 10 seconds to find the product bearing the Supermarket Sweep symbol to win a bonus, I’d be the contestant receiving negative points. Our small town hosts two grocery stores that have opposing strategies for product display. I spend a great deal of my time in those stores walking past the mops asking myself, “If I were a box of sugary crackers where would I be?” At last, I located the final S’more ingredient in Store A only to discover they were one box short of the amount of graham crackers I needed. I returned the items being held in my hands and promptly drove to confounding maze B. Three internal laps later, it turned out that Store B was 4 boxes short of the chocolate bars I needed. It figures.
Second, sending me to buy chocolate bars is like telling that mouse she can’t eat the cheese she found in the maze because there’s a bikini she can wear if she climbs the 10 inch walls around the maze. Pft. Yes, I, like 200 million other Americans, am on a diet. Now days, we call it a “lifestyle change”. I find it hard enough to make a “one day change” let alone a “lifestyle change.” There I was surrounded by cartons of banned foods. I couldn’t take two steps without being consumed by a yummy treat I just spied. Over and over again. Being in a grocery store provides access to items that are unattainable at home, for good reason. Yummies. Right. In. Front. Of. Me. All I had to do was pay for it. 90% of my diet cheats have been consumed within five steps of exiting a grocery store. This recent experience also gave me significant insight as to why my dad has always been a massive impulse buyer. Couple the lusting with zigzagging through each aisle to corral the essential S’more ingredients and I was grappling with a wicked level of temptation.
In hindsight, I surmise that I don’t like shopping. It’s too dangerous and way too much work!