Don’t Do The Crime

Warning! This post contains a picture that may not be appropriate for all audiences.

The Backstory
They had a catered lunch at work. It was simply make your own sandwhich with salad and fruit salad, 1000 pickles (don’t ask me), and a massive plate of brownies and blondies.

I made it around the sandwich making station without a brownie the first time. I told myself that if there were brownies left after I ate, it was fate telling me I could have one. (C’mon Stephanie, that’s not fate, that’s j-u-s-t-i-f-i-c-a-t-i-o-n)

When I returned to the sandwich making station, more than half the brownies had stayed behind to serenade, “Stephanie! You Whoo! Steffffannnnnieeee!”

Fate was in my favor! Hippoty hoppity, I ate myself two chocolate chip infused brownies, one right after the other with nary a breath in between. Although, the second brownie tipped the sweetness tolerance so I high tailed it out of the conference room to gather my computer and literature for a training session I was about to lead. (Might I digress to point out that no one attended my training session. Apparently, Agriculture isn’t as sexy as Drilling. Ba da domp.)

One slight problem, I was nervous, I need a distraction. With my laptop tucked under my arm, I detoured through the food conference room for a little something else. Not a brownie, mind you, because I still had that too-sweet after taste in my mouth. Anyone can tell you that what I needed was something salty to cut the sweet. A full bowl of potato chips answered my prayers. Interestingly enough, I only required five chips. Then I decided I was good to have one more brownie. (Seriously, I’m impressed that I didn’t eat an entire family size bag of chips first!)

The Calorie Count
The only fortunate thing was that these brownies were small. I’d say that each brownie was about 100 calories using the 100 calories snack pack comparison. As in, stack all the cookies from a 100 calories Oreo snack pack until they form the height, width, and length of the brownie. (Oreo is the only 100 calories snack pack I’ve ever been tempted to eat thus my only frame of reference). However, come to think of it, those 100 calories Oreos could never equate the delightful density of a brownie. So we’ll have to bump up those brownies to 150 calories. Each.

F in A. That’s 450 calories, in the brownies alone! S-C-R-E-W-E-D.

The mission
If you are going to eat the crime you have to do the exercise time. My objective for the remainder of the day was to find a way to burn 450 calories to undo three brownies because the 40 minutes I spent running/walking at the gym that morning went toward paying off the calorie accumulation from the previous night’s dinner. I needed MORE exercise. My rule of thumb would be 50 calories per 10 minutes of exercise/walking.

Meetings – I spent the rest of the afternoon either sitting at a meeting table or sitting in the car. Calorie burn -0. Ak vai.

Car Rental- while standing at the car rental place I noted that arrivals gates at PHL are right on the other side of the road. I could practically spit on it. The rental place was across from terminal C giving me about a 10 minute walk to terminal A. 50 calories down 400 to go and wasn’t looking promising.

Dinner- I thought Terminal A at PHL lacked sufficient dinner options so I took advantage of the connecting hallways to walk over to terminal B for dinner and sufficiently restrained myself from Wendy’s to eat only a turkey salad. 5 minute of walking = 25 calories and who cares about the turkey salad because it had vitamins, I think. 75 down with 375 to go.

Waiting to board my plane- when I had a half an hour left before it was time to board my plane I started “mall walking” the terminals. 30 minutes of walking = 150 calories – the time I went to look at the books for sale – the time I went to look at the t-shirts for sale- the time I went to look to see if any other shirts were for sale – the time I took to pee – the time I got trapped by the American Express sales guy = 75 calories, 150 with 300 left to go.

Delayed boarding- I paced between gate A1 and A7 for twenty minutes waiting to be sardined in a CRJ airplane while carrying a bag with a laptop and a backpack filled with three days worth of clothing and a pair of shoes. 100 calories + 50 calories bonus. 300 calories with 150 calories to go. (if only I had stuck with two brownies!)

Walking through ORD to my car in economy parking (disclosure- I took the tram) – 7 minutes of walking = 37 calories for a total of 337 calories.

I was short 113 calories. Next time, I’d better not do the crime if I can’t do the time.


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Filed under personality flaws, Weight loss

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