Five Star Hotel

My brother-in-law, Arni, has a rule when it comes to choosing hotels, “No colors, no numbers.” I’ve stayed in a wide variety of hotels in my life. I have even had to disregard the number and color rule. I’m looking at you, Upstate (really upstate) New York. Usually, I can avoid colors and numbers by booking a room at a Fairfield or a Hampton. These hotel chains have consistent quality and moderate price, and you don’t end up paying for extras like internet connection, breakfast, or a bottle of water.

Unfortunately, there are places in the world where the most you can hope for is clean accommodations. Now, I’m looking at you, Wisconsin. This week’s travels take me to one of those such areas where you just have to cross your fingers. I’m in Trois-Rivieres, Quebec.

Today’s hotel is old but, yes, the accommodations are clean as long as you ignore the obvious crack in the toilet bowl that produces a puddle of water on each side of the base after every flush. I’m sure it only leaks the clean water that comes in after the flush. This hotel is just about the only game in town. And, well, it doesn’t have a number or color in the name so at least I’m in the clear there.

So, if the title is correct, how can I give this hotel a five star rating after what I just reported? There are two things.

 

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1. Beer vending machine – I have to be honest, the beer vending machine alone catapults this hotel to five stars. I never stop being amazed at the things I experience when I travel the world.

 

2. High pressure washer- The shower is Kramer worthy. It is so strong I won’t need to exfoliate for six months. It’s strong enough for elephants.

Still, its a place I’ll be happy to leave when I do.

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8 Comments

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8 responses to “Five Star Hotel

  1. Beer. Vending. Machine. Enough said. 5 stars

  2. Kzoo Penny

    Colors in names doesn’t count in Italy. Especially on the Riviera.
    (Does this post continue to up my stats?)

  3. Beer vending machine?? I love Quebecs liquor laws! I must move there. You can also bring your own wine to dinner, gotta love Quebec!

  4. Agreed. Beer vending machine = 5 stars! 🙂

  5. Wait- elephants? Do I need to ask how you know that? 😆

    I have a phobia about hotels. One time, we drove out unexpectedly to Ca for a death in the family, which required, yes, hotels. One night, we stayed in Flagstaff (which is hotel hell, by the way, if you don’t have reservations) and it was out of dire necessity that we stop.

    4 hotels in, there was a single room available with 2 queen beds. We were exhausted, so we took it. (yes, that’s 2 parents and 4 kids in one room with 2 beds). It was so nasty, I wouldn’t let the kids take their shoes off, and everyone slept fully clothed and on top of the covers.

    We had to get extra pillows, and the one that was made under the covers on my side- had oatmeal on the pillowcase.

    This was a 4 star hotel, that we paid nearly $150 for that night (normal rate). There was not much sleeping going on on my end. The truck was better sleeping, honestly.

    And, after I told my sil about this, she told me about the night she ended up waking up soaked in urine- someone else’s cold urine- at a 5 star hotel. They at least got their money back.

    Nope, no thanks. Call me weird, but I prefer my RV to anything else, and those are just a few reasons why……….. I don’t care how “nice” a place supposedly is, they still all totally gross me out.

    *Disclaimer: totally true stories. None of these are made up. {insert vomiting smiley here}

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