100 MoN (ToN) Weird, Strange Neighbor Division

You know how every neighborhood has that one person that the whole neighborhood talks about? That person would be me.

I know this for a fact because I am friends with Pam who lives on the other side of the neighborhood and she told me they ask her why I never wear shoes. It’s just as much of a mystery to Pam as it is to them. My neighbors don’t read my blog, obviously.

So, really, you can hardly come up with a better situation for a 100 Miles of Nowhere. Someone crazy, doing something crazy in a place that gossips about crazy. Just one tiny, insignificant detail, I said I would never do the 100 Miles of Nowhere again.

Fortunately, Fatty is such a nice guy that he lets the rest of us get away with slacking off while he’s off biking 100 (101) Miles Of Nowhere.

What’s a girl to do?

In the spirit of The Fat Cyclist, I must take full advantage of the rules.


Ride your race. On June 1 or thenabouts (lots of people including me sometimes have to do it on a different day, due to conflicting schedules), do what you said you’d do. Be tough about it. But have fun, too. Remember, this is to traditional bike racing as the sillywalk is to running a marathon.

I’m not a cyclist so, this year, I am doing exactly what I said, “I will never attempt the 100 Miles Of Nowhere again”

Welcome to the 100 Things of Nowhere!! I performed 100 different things going nowhere.

Task #1 -Walking- I traversed a section of sidewalk 100 times at 5:00 am so I only received a handful of “What the heck is she doing now?” looks from neighbors misfortunate enough to be going to work at that time.

20130619-223735.jpgThe sidewalk in its entirety.

Task #2 -100 Squats in the bathroom – No toilets were harmed in the making of #2.

Tasks #3 -5 – high knee marches, toy soldiers and back kicks in my office – Now, my co-workers get to think I am weird too.

Tasks #6 – 10 – standing side leg lifts, burpees, dribbling basketball, set volleyball, and soccer tic-tock in the front yard – During this set, I appear less weird and more sporty-like.

Tasks #11- 20 – side to side butt kicks, wall push-ups, step ups, balance beam, trampoline jumps, jumping jacks, sleep (a real favorite), bounces on an exercise
ball, hops, and twists on a mini trampoline….

…There was a popular kids series of books called 39 Clues. A separate book was written about each clue solving the mystery. However, someone must have figured out the books weren’t maintaining enough popularity because during the 12th or 10th book they “revealed” the remaining 27 clues and jumped to the final scene. This is relevent to the 100 ToN because I am going to pull a 39 Clues on you and jump to the final scene….

Task #100 – 100 passes through the neighborhood on my all original 1969 Huffy Granny Cruiser.

20130620-140539.jpgShe’s a beauty

It was barely 80 degrees when I set out to ride past the neighbors’ front windows 100 times and figured that I couldn’t have picked a better day for 100 Passes to Nowhere.

It was a Wednesday. In addition to being a pleasant summer day, Wednesday is the day you put your garbage out by the curb here.

Task #101 was breathing in my neighbors’ rancid garbage 100 times.

Granny and I received a few smiles, waves and hellos during the first 15 or so passes. After the 40th pass, they just stared at me as we cranked and squeaked past them. By the 60th pass, they dismissed me all together as the crazy neighbor and went back to grilling or fixing this or that allowing Granny and I to finish spectator-less. Even the noisy dachshunds down the street where disenchanted by the 75th pass.

At the end of the 100th pass, I was barely able to climb down from the seat. It is, after all, the original 1969 seat with no padding and super stiff shocks that squeak with every bounce.

I declared myself WINNER of the 100 MoN – Weird, Strange Neighbor doing 100 (weird) Things of Nowhere Division

The GPS of the 100 passes through the neighborhood. 2 blocks, 14 miles



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Filed under Barefoot, cycling, exercise, personality flaws

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