Tag Archives: 100 MoN

100 MoN (ToN) Weird, Strange Neighbor Division

You know how every neighborhood has that one person that the whole neighborhood talks about? That person would be me.

I know this for a fact because I am friends with Pam who lives on the other side of the neighborhood and she told me they ask her why I never wear shoes. It’s just as much of a mystery to Pam as it is to them. My neighbors don’t read my blog, obviously.

So, really, you can hardly come up with a better situation for a 100 Miles of Nowhere. Someone crazy, doing something crazy in a place that gossips about crazy. Just one tiny, insignificant detail, I said I would never do the 100 Miles of Nowhere again.

Fortunately, Fatty is such a nice guy that he lets the rest of us get away with slacking off while he’s off biking 100 (101) Miles Of Nowhere.

What’s a girl to do?

In the spirit of The Fat Cyclist, I must take full advantage of the rules.


Ride your race. On June 1 or thenabouts (lots of people including me sometimes have to do it on a different day, due to conflicting schedules), do what you said you’d do. Be tough about it. But have fun, too. Remember, this is to traditional bike racing as the sillywalk is to running a marathon.

I’m not a cyclist so, this year, I am doing exactly what I said, “I will never attempt the 100 Miles Of Nowhere again”

Welcome to the 100 Things of Nowhere!! I performed 100 different things going nowhere.

Task #1 -Walking- I traversed a section of sidewalk 100 times at 5:00 am so I only received a handful of “What the heck is she doing now?” looks from neighbors misfortunate enough to be going to work at that time.

20130619-223735.jpgThe sidewalk in its entirety.

Task #2 -100 Squats in the bathroom – No toilets were harmed in the making of #2.

Tasks #3 -5 – high knee marches, toy soldiers and back kicks in my office – Now, my co-workers get to think I am weird too.

Tasks #6 – 10 – standing side leg lifts, burpees, dribbling basketball, set volleyball, and soccer tic-tock in the front yard – During this set, I appear less weird and more sporty-like.

Tasks #11- 20 – side to side butt kicks, wall push-ups, step ups, balance beam, trampoline jumps, jumping jacks, sleep (a real favorite), bounces on an exercise
ball, hops, and twists on a mini trampoline….

…There was a popular kids series of books called 39 Clues. A separate book was written about each clue solving the mystery. However, someone must have figured out the books weren’t maintaining enough popularity because during the 12th or 10th book they “revealed” the remaining 27 clues and jumped to the final scene. This is relevent to the 100 ToN because I am going to pull a 39 Clues on you and jump to the final scene….

Task #100 – 100 passes through the neighborhood on my all original 1969 Huffy Granny Cruiser.

20130620-140539.jpgShe’s a beauty

It was barely 80 degrees when I set out to ride past the neighbors’ front windows 100 times and figured that I couldn’t have picked a better day for 100 Passes to Nowhere.

It was a Wednesday. In addition to being a pleasant summer day, Wednesday is the day you put your garbage out by the curb here.

Task #101 was breathing in my neighbors’ rancid garbage 100 times.

Granny and I received a few smiles, waves and hellos during the first 15 or so passes. After the 40th pass, they just stared at me as we cranked and squeaked past them. By the 60th pass, they dismissed me all together as the crazy neighbor and went back to grilling or fixing this or that allowing Granny and I to finish spectator-less. Even the noisy dachshunds down the street where disenchanted by the 75th pass.

At the end of the 100th pass, I was barely able to climb down from the seat. It is, after all, the original 1969 seat with no padding and super stiff shocks that squeak with every bounce.

I declared myself WINNER of the 100 MoN – Weird, Strange Neighbor doing 100 (weird) Things of Nowhere Division

The GPS of the 100 passes through the neighborhood. 2 blocks, 14 miles



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Filed under Barefoot, cycling, exercise, personality flaws

100 Miles of Nowhere V. 5.0

Did I learn nothing from the first time I competed in the 100 Miles of Nowhere? Sure, I won my division last time but, once again, not even a full mile into the 100 MoN the chain falls off because I’m trying to down shift from one of the two remaining gears on my twenty-one speed mountain bike. It was just like last time. Now, I’ll be stuck peddling in one gear for the remaining 99 miles.

I think 100 Miles of Nowhere is a little like giving birth. The first time you do it you struggle through the pain and anguish. At the height of the “shear vehemence of suckage” (An appropriate depiction by Noodle) you declare that you will never, ever do this again. A year goes by, you read other reports on 100 Miles of Nowhere but you grab the previous year’s T-shirt, hug and kiss it and thank the stars that you didn’t ride Nowhere again. Then somehow, the following year, you find yourself on the Twin Six website ordering your 100 MoN kit V 5.0.


You’ve developed selective memory or you hit your head on a rock during your last trail ride. Whatever the cause or lack of sanity, when you click on that pay button, you are down-right giddy with anticipation for 100 MoN to start. When your kit arrives, you tear it open to revel in this year’s 100 MoN design. Putting on the shirt makes you begin to fantasize about how the two of you will ride a hundred of miles together. Oh, the places you won’t go!

Then that fateful day arrives, Race Day. This is the day, when you are on lap 15 of 256, riding in 16 mph sustained winds that batter you from all sides of the 0.39 mile circle loop you chose for your race course, when you begin to recall the suckage of 100 Miles of Nowhere and wonder what in the world were you thinking when you signed up.

You want to throw in the towel. You want to tuck your tail between your legs but you took one of the only five hundred slots for 100 MoN. The race sold out in two hours. People were disappointed. People that wanted to ride 100 miles in place, up hills, or in circles. You took their spot, their T-shirt. You owe it to them to finish, at least, 10 miles.

100 Miles of Nowhere is a day when you wish you could get Nowhere fast. However, you are just a recreational bicyclist, the saddle sores develop faster than the miles. Like a pregnant woman in her ninth month, you think that this will never end. Counting the laps helps until you remember that you have to peddle 205 more laps through this neighborhood.

Once it a while your mind manages to drift away as you toil on the cranks. Maybe you were distracted by a bunny hopping by. Or a robin startled you with a sudden swoop mere inches in front of your tire. You wonder where will it wonder off to? Will he get that worm? You enjoy a few minutes of bliss at being mentally in another place. But, there is payback . When your mind wakes back up in back in the 100 Miles of Nowhere race, you look at your fingers in horror. You don’t remember anything. How long were you gone? 1 lap? 2 laps? How many fingers did you even have up? Or, are you really just so miserable that you only THINK you completed more than one lap during your mental vacation. What if you’re wrong and it causes you to only bike 99.45 miles instead of 100 miles!

So now you are asking me why I would do something so hideously stupid as to ride my bike 100 Miles to go Nowhere? Because nothing makes a better story than anguish, conflict, and final triumph. Truthfully, all this pain is kind of fun. It’s the one and only time that I will included in the circle of Fatty’s closest 500 friends. Lastly, Fatty has this gift for asking people for things. You just can’t say No to Fatty.

This year Fatty’s 100 Miles of Nowhere raised money for Camp Kesem for children whose parents have or had cancer. Because no child deserves the experience of losing their parent to cancer.

If you’d like to donate to the cause, to help kids cope with their parent’s cancer, please click here.

All in all, 100 Miles of Nowhere is very fun in a sick and twisted way. In the end, I’m going to finish my miles by commuting to work by bike. I probably won’t ride it next year but I bet I’ll forget and come back in two years or so. By the way, I won my division this year too! It was the Recreational Bicyclist Who Prefers To Pedal Only When There Is Ice Cream Involved Division!

Proof I’m not the only one:




Grizzly Adam 100 MoN report

Noodle’s original 100 MoN


Filed under cycling, Lessons learned