As I went about the preparations for my Halloween workout, I was startled by a squeak resembling the sound of a hinge on a door being opened slowly. I whipped around expecting one of the boys to be standing in the entrance rubbing the sleep out of his eyes, but the entrance was vacant. A cool breeze blew across my neck even though the door was closed just as I had left it.
Turning back to turn on the treadmill, I heard a bang on the outside wall. I peered out the window to investigate. All I could see was a frightening reflection cast from the glare of the CF lights on the glass. It was the scariest reflection of all, my own.
I know the noises were only a coincidence but my heart rate was elevated before I even started my warm up. I transitioned into dynamic stretches that loosened my joints and muscles. I checked that all my parts were working and that nothing had been possessed a la Evil Dead 2. I appreciated being limber and ready just in case the squeaking and banging were actually coming from otherworldly demons forcing their way inside.
The treadmill made enough noise on its own to cancel out invading aliens. I hope it holds out for another winter because I really need to build up my endurance if I expect to outrun a two-headed man from somewhere in Betelgeuse who encourages the consumption of Pan-Galactic Gargle Blasters. In preparation, I cranked that treadmill up to a whopping 5.5 mph.
Zaphod on by mrjuju125deviantART
Just in case I get cornered by Frankenstein’s monster while running along side a decrepit castle, I also polished up my fighting skills. I sized up the heavy bag imagining it was the monster. Of course, it was smaller than Frankenstein’s monster but I’d rather practice a few quick jabs there than break my hand on a tree. I’d be a sure goner fighting with a broken hand against a man with hands the size of a Yugo.
It was a tenacious Halloween workout that I approached as though I was fighting for my life which in reality I actually am.