Tag Archives: Food addict

Gag Reflex

I have been gagging on my food today. Let me tell you, the gagging isn’t caused by a threat of salmonell, the smell of pickled herring, or the dryness that comes from completely charred food.

I haven’t had a cookie in three days.

Or chocolate. Or ice cream. Or..

Yes, my body has gone into shock. If there was a microphone inside my body, this is what I think you’d hear..

EGADS! Where are the fricken cookies!!! Chicken?? Who does she think I am, Gracie Gold? This is ridiculous. I’ve been eating cookies everyday of my life. Not a thing wrong with me. If I don’t get some cookies this instant, I’ll go bang her head on the wall. Cookies!! Why, oh, Why can’t I have cookies!

Now repeat that but replace cookies with ice cream, chocolate, candy, donuts, and so on.

I wouldn’t recommend stepping into my office this week. I might barf this healthy chicken all over your shoes.


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Nah Sugar, NA-NA-NA..NA-NA

I stood in my co-workers office with screwed up look on my face as I performed a quick mental calculation.

Then I declared, “I have gone 40 hours without chips or a sweet.”

She snickered sympathetically before responding, “That’s not even two days.”

40 hours IS hardly anything to write home about. (That’s why I write a blog.) Sadly, it has taken me weeks to string together this many hours that were sugar and chips free. Maybe I’d try one or the other, but this is the first time in a while I’ve done both. Generally, I use one as a crutch to get by without the other even though I promise myself regularly that I won’t touch either till 2013.

I’m pretty sure that I’ve spent 2400 minutes of those 40 hours THINKING about sweets and chips.

Will I make it to 48 hours? 72 hours? Or, even 17 days, my one time record? I don’t know. Like any good recovering addict, I’m just taking it one hour at a time.

44 hours and 31minutes at the time of posting.

48 hours succeeded

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No, No, No: The No List

“See, I can have the oatmeal raisin cookie. I can’t have the chocolate chip cookie because chocolate chips are chocolate which falls into the candy category and candy is clearly listed here on the NO list. So, would you please hand me an oatmeal raisin cookie?”

Sophie viewed me with that you-are-full-of-shit-you are-never-going-to-lose-weight look. And, she’s right to an extent but, I’m not doing this to lose weight. Today and tomorrow are not about losing weight. Instead, these first few days or weeks are about restraining my food addictions.

For the first ten months of 2011, I’ve tried to lose weight. I quit sugar and carbs cold turkey so many times I’m afraid someone’s going to try to cook me for Thanksgiving dinner.

Nearly every time I went cold turkey, I’d become delirious and started sneaking forbidden foods by the third day. 

They say Eve tempted Adam with an apple. But, man, I ain’t going for that. I’m sure it was fries and a hot fudge sundae. Or, maybe buttered popcorn…

The point is, I am tired of succumbing to my food addictions. I’m nauseated by my muffin top, having to suck in just to get my jeans zipped (stretchy jeans at that), of choosing tops based on their camouflaging ability, and of not having control over what I put in my mouth. I find it nearly impossible to not go cold turkey again so that I can ‘get skinny by next week’. But, I’m further frustrated with the massive failures over the year. My cold turkey strategy is like Ponzi scheme with a shorter life span. I feel that I need baby steps that will allow me to adjust to the metamorphosis of my diet without coming unglued in the process. Eventually, I’ll control my addictions then I’ll work on the weight.

This is my NO strategy. Last week, I launched the NO list with no candy and no chips. Everything else was allowed as long as I didn’t eat candy or chips. I stopped myself from mindless consumption at least five times. At least, it prevented mindless eating of chips and candy…

Because I am a food addict, I will find another food crutch. I found myself driving out of my way to get French fries for lunch last week. Thus, this week, the NO list expands to include French fries. It also includes NO eating if I’m not hungry. Amazingly, I was able to eat dinner at a restaurant tonight without justifying the chips or the fries. It was satisfying on many levels.

Now, hand me that oatmeal raisin cookie.

Can you guess what’s going on the list next? As long as I never give up, I will get control.

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I Spy With My Little Eye

In the kitchen- I spy with my little eye… a miniature Reese’s peanut butter cup at the very bottom of the candy jar that is filled with a ton of crappy candy the boys got for Easter. I slam the lazy susan shut and run for the living room.

In the Family room – I spy with my little eye… a red Skittle that my son is holding in his hand while watching Disney’s Robin Hood. I quickly shift my eyes to the TV and start singing along with the movie, “he won’t be known as John the first but he’s sure to be known as John the worse…”

At work – I spy with my little eye… a box of donuts made by the local Italian bakery that was brought in by a sales person and set in the lunch room. I deliberately keep walking past the lunch room even though the water cooler is in there.

At the restaurant – I spy with my little eye… a hot molten chocolate lava cake with ice cream ala mode. I shove the dessert menu back behind the condiment rack and napkin holder then concentrate on my very satisfying glass of water.

On the side of the road – I spy with my little eye… an empty Dairy Queen container…OOHH, LET’S GO TO DAIRY QUEEN… Thank goodness the car is a mile away and the idea seems silly when I get there.

At the Baby shower – I spy with my little eye…cookies…candy…cake…Oh, MY!

It seems that every since I started NO sugar streaks that every where I turn these items are there, jumping out at me, torturing me, ANTAGONIZING me. They burn my retina like a laser beam. It’s as though I’ve developed X-Ray vision and can see right through any material that might try to conceal a sugar treat. I turned into a bloodhound that can sniff out sugar from 500 yards away.

The truth is that these items where always there. It’s just that I’ve become conscience of them. Even though I wanted to lose weight in the past, if I saw the Reese’s pb cup, I’d just eat it. Half of the things in the house that I’m not allowed to eat were items that I bought. Case in point, I’m the only one in the family who knows Girl Scouts.

The NO sugar streaks are hard but they make me mindful of what I am supposed to eat and what I am not supposed to eat. It’s not like banning cookies is a new concept for me. I’ve been on and off diets since I was 18. But for some reason, the streaks work.  Starting today, I am on a NO sugar streak.  I am at 18 hours and counting….

Wish me luck that I’ll be able to turn a blind eye.


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Don’t Do The Crime

Warning! This post contains a picture that may not be appropriate for all audiences.

The Backstory
They had a catered lunch at work. It was simply make your own sandwhich with salad and fruit salad, 1000 pickles (don’t ask me), and a massive plate of brownies and blondies.

I made it around the sandwich making station without a brownie the first time. I told myself that if there were brownies left after I ate, it was fate telling me I could have one. (C’mon Stephanie, that’s not fate, that’s j-u-s-t-i-f-i-c-a-t-i-o-n)

When I returned to the sandwich making station, more than half the brownies had stayed behind to serenade, “Stephanie! You Whoo! Steffffannnnnieeee!”

Fate was in my favor! Hippoty hoppity, I ate myself two chocolate chip infused brownies, one right after the other with nary a breath in between. Although, the second brownie tipped the sweetness tolerance so I high tailed it out of the conference room to gather my computer and literature for a training session I was about to lead. (Might I digress to point out that no one attended my training session. Apparently, Agriculture isn’t as sexy as Drilling. Ba da domp.)

One slight problem, I was nervous, I need a distraction. With my laptop tucked under my arm, I detoured through the food conference room for a little something else. Not a brownie, mind you, because I still had that too-sweet after taste in my mouth. Anyone can tell you that what I needed was something salty to cut the sweet. A full bowl of potato chips answered my prayers. Interestingly enough, I only required five chips. Then I decided I was good to have one more brownie. (Seriously, I’m impressed that I didn’t eat an entire family size bag of chips first!)

The Calorie Count
The only fortunate thing was that these brownies were small. I’d say that each brownie was about 100 calories using the 100 calories snack pack comparison. As in, stack all the cookies from a 100 calories Oreo snack pack until they form the height, width, and length of the brownie. (Oreo is the only 100 calories snack pack I’ve ever been tempted to eat thus my only frame of reference). However, come to think of it, those 100 calories Oreos could never equate the delightful density of a brownie. So we’ll have to bump up those brownies to 150 calories. Each.

F in A. That’s 450 calories, in the brownies alone! S-C-R-E-W-E-D.

The mission
If you are going to eat the crime you have to do the exercise time. My objective for the remainder of the day was to find a way to burn 450 calories to undo three brownies because the 40 minutes I spent running/walking at the gym that morning went toward paying off the calorie accumulation from the previous night’s dinner. I needed MORE exercise. My rule of thumb would be 50 calories per 10 minutes of exercise/walking.

Meetings – I spent the rest of the afternoon either sitting at a meeting table or sitting in the car. Calorie burn -0. Ak vai.

Car Rental- while standing at the car rental place I noted that arrivals gates at PHL are right on the other side of the road. I could practically spit on it. The rental place was across from terminal C giving me about a 10 minute walk to terminal A. 50 calories down 400 to go and wasn’t looking promising.

Dinner- I thought Terminal A at PHL lacked sufficient dinner options so I took advantage of the connecting hallways to walk over to terminal B for dinner and sufficiently restrained myself from Wendy’s to eat only a turkey salad. 5 minute of walking = 25 calories and who cares about the turkey salad because it had vitamins, I think. 75 down with 375 to go.

Waiting to board my plane- when I had a half an hour left before it was time to board my plane I started “mall walking” the terminals. 30 minutes of walking = 150 calories – the time I went to look at the books for sale – the time I went to look at the t-shirts for sale- the time I went to look to see if any other shirts were for sale – the time I took to pee – the time I got trapped by the American Express sales guy = 75 calories, 150 with 300 left to go.

Delayed boarding- I paced between gate A1 and A7 for twenty minutes waiting to be sardined in a CRJ airplane while carrying a bag with a laptop and a backpack filled with three days worth of clothing and a pair of shoes. 100 calories + 50 calories bonus. 300 calories with 150 calories to go. (if only I had stuck with two brownies!)

Walking through ORD to my car in economy parking (disclosure- I took the tram) – 7 minutes of walking = 37 calories for a total of 337 calories.

I was short 113 calories. Next time, I’d better not do the crime if I can’t do the time.

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