Tag Archives: poser

Don’t Do The Crime

Warning! This post contains a picture that may not be appropriate for all audiences.

The Backstory
They had a catered lunch at work. It was simply make your own sandwhich with salad and fruit salad, 1000 pickles (don’t ask me), and a massive plate of brownies and blondies.

I made it around the sandwich making station without a brownie the first time. I told myself that if there were brownies left after I ate, it was fate telling me I could have one. (C’mon Stephanie, that’s not fate, that’s j-u-s-t-i-f-i-c-a-t-i-o-n)

When I returned to the sandwich making station, more than half the brownies had stayed behind to serenade, “Stephanie! You Whoo! Steffffannnnnieeee!”

Fate was in my favor! Hippoty hoppity, I ate myself two chocolate chip infused brownies, one right after the other with nary a breath in between. Although, the second brownie tipped the sweetness tolerance so I high tailed it out of the conference room to gather my computer and literature for a training session I was about to lead. (Might I digress to point out that no one attended my training session. Apparently, Agriculture isn’t as sexy as Drilling. Ba da domp.)

One slight problem, I was nervous, I need a distraction. With my laptop tucked under my arm, I detoured through the food conference room for a little something else. Not a brownie, mind you, because I still had that too-sweet after taste in my mouth. Anyone can tell you that what I needed was something salty to cut the sweet. A full bowl of potato chips answered my prayers. Interestingly enough, I only required five chips. Then I decided I was good to have one more brownie. (Seriously, I’m impressed that I didn’t eat an entire family size bag of chips first!)

The Calorie Count
The only fortunate thing was that these brownies were small. I’d say that each brownie was about 100 calories using the 100 calories snack pack comparison. As in, stack all the cookies from a 100 calories Oreo snack pack until they form the height, width, and length of the brownie. (Oreo is the only 100 calories snack pack I’ve ever been tempted to eat thus my only frame of reference). However, come to think of it, those 100 calories Oreos could never equate the delightful density of a brownie. So we’ll have to bump up those brownies to 150 calories. Each.

F in A. That’s 450 calories, in the brownies alone! S-C-R-E-W-E-D.

The mission
If you are going to eat the crime you have to do the exercise time. My objective for the remainder of the day was to find a way to burn 450 calories to undo three brownies because the 40 minutes I spent running/walking at the gym that morning went toward paying off the calorie accumulation from the previous night’s dinner. I needed MORE exercise. My rule of thumb would be 50 calories per 10 minutes of exercise/walking.

Meetings – I spent the rest of the afternoon either sitting at a meeting table or sitting in the car. Calorie burn -0. Ak vai.

Car Rental- while standing at the car rental place I noted that arrivals gates at PHL are right on the other side of the road. I could practically spit on it. The rental place was across from terminal C giving me about a 10 minute walk to terminal A. 50 calories down 400 to go and wasn’t looking promising.

Dinner- I thought Terminal A at PHL lacked sufficient dinner options so I took advantage of the connecting hallways to walk over to terminal B for dinner and sufficiently restrained myself from Wendy’s to eat only a turkey salad. 5 minute of walking = 25 calories and who cares about the turkey salad because it had vitamins, I think. 75 down with 375 to go.

Waiting to board my plane- when I had a half an hour left before it was time to board my plane I started “mall walking” the terminals. 30 minutes of walking = 150 calories – the time I went to look at the books for sale – the time I went to look at the t-shirts for sale- the time I went to look to see if any other shirts were for sale – the time I took to pee – the time I got trapped by the American Express sales guy = 75 calories, 150 with 300 left to go.

Delayed boarding- I paced between gate A1 and A7 for twenty minutes waiting to be sardined in a CRJ airplane while carrying a bag with a laptop and a backpack filled with three days worth of clothing and a pair of shoes. 100 calories + 50 calories bonus. 300 calories with 150 calories to go. (if only I had stuck with two brownies!)

Walking through ORD to my car in economy parking (disclosure- I took the tram) – 7 minutes of walking = 37 calories for a total of 337 calories.

I was short 113 calories. Next time, I’d better not do the crime if I can’t do the time.


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Filed under personality flaws, Weight loss

For Validation

I completed my second 100% bare run.  It was a quick little trip to the school parking lot and back. I even left the iphone at home.  Me, alone, running in the urban nature.  I felt that I could begin pushing my turnover rate.  I felt as though the pavement was tickling my feet.  I contemplated routes that would supply rougher surfaces to build upon my tolerance.  I began to contemplate routes that would let me show off.

I wish I could complete this post with a story about how I was trying to show off but managed to trip over a crack in the sidewalk or discovered that I’d put my underwear on over my shorts because those would be funny stories to tell.  Instead, my story is one part arrogance, one part (maybe two parts) boring, and one part sad.

For many years, I have run through town without crossing the paths of other runners.  Just this past spring, I would occasionally see a group of women running going in the opposite direction.  They are headed into town; I am headed home.  We nod or say hello.   I wonder who they are, where they start, where they go, did they notice the VFFs, etc.  They just keep running by. 

This morning as the conquering barefoot feeling built within, I thought I’d like to cross paths with those women to show them I am a serious runner.  After all, only a serious runner would consider going barefoot. (This is not to say that you have to be barefoot to be serious, just that a passing fancy runner isn’t likely to try barefoot) I could change routes to increase the likelihood I’d cross their path.  But, the elitist takes over and reminds me that I am part of the Run Smiley collective.  It isn’t or shouldn’t be about showing off.  It should be about The Run.  So, I stay on my course and delight in private at the ease at which I am tolerating the rough pavement.

Five blocks later, I see the group of women round a corner entering the street that I am running on, in the same direction, only several blocks ahead of me.  I could try to catch them.  Instead, I slow down.  It’s easy to think I want to show off when I am alone but when given the opportunity, I back down, lacking the confidence I need to just plunge ahead like any other runner.

The sad part of the story is realizing that the lack of confidence didn’t stem from being different and barefoot.  It came from seeing them as a group and fearing that I would not be accepted by the group. I feared that they would not validate my belief that I am a real runner.

Runner…beautiful… good mother…special…smart…sexy… any one of these words and more could be substituted into that sentence.  Like the sixth grader I once was, I fear that my peers will not validate that I am any one of those things.  This fear of abnegation keeps me from sharing Me with anyone.  This fear destroys my confidence and feeds the obesity beast in me. 

In an effort to get more control over my behavior, especially towards food, I am making it an objective to put myself at risk for validation with the people in my life.  As an objective adult, I know I can deal with dismissals. Now I just need to get my inner child to believe it.

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Filed under Barefoot, running, Weight loss

Metro Trek -Pros and Cons list

For two years now, I have been dreaming about doing the Metro Tek race in Kalamazoo, MI. Its described as an adventure race offering the best wilderness and urban combo. Bike, trek, orienteering, ropes, paddle, and surprise elements. There is no course to learn and it takes nearly 10 hours to finish it. I know it is about 50 miles of biking, running, and canoeing.

Signups end next week. It is time to take the heat or get out of the kitchen. It appears that my teammate and I can not make up our minds as to whether we should do it or not.

So here’s a list of PROS and CONS for the Metro Trek:

1. My 21 speed mountain bike has only two functional speeds. I’ve never had it serviced in the 12 years I’ve owned it. Besides, I suspect even Walmart carries higher quality bikes than what I have.

2. I don’t own biking clothes. 35 +/- miles of biking in one day is gonna hurt. A lot.

3. I can’t run in regular shoes and VFFs aren’t that fun to bike in. Not 35 some miles, that is.

4. As I explained above, I have a bike that is primarily for recreational use. If I get a flat tire, I just wait until my husband has time to fix it. They want me to carry a spare tire and a CO2 cartridge. Wouldn’t a bottle of oxygen be better? I mean, I’m sure I’m going to be pretty close to fainting from pain by then.

5. I had never heard of orienteering before this race. Neither one of us owns a compass and I’ve never read a topographical map. I’m afraid I might actually get lost in the woods. (what if I pass out from hypothermia and they see that my shorts have a gigantic hole!)(oops, see #8)

6. You need a backpack to carry race and emergency related items. The only backpacks I have in my house were formerly owned by my kids. Can you see me on a serious adventure race with Batman on my back? Maybe a Jedi backpack would be better so that I have the force with me?

7. They recommend protective (sunglasses) eye wear. I did actually buy a pair of sunglasses this summer. They are the highly fashionable bug-eyed look that all the hot ladies are wearing. I’m sure they’ll go well with my VFFs and Batman backpack.

8. I do own a pair of running shorts. But, they have a gigantic hole in the crotch that gets caught on the seat whenever I get on my bike. (Indecent exposure is not an issue since the shorts have inner panties)

9. There’s a scouting hike that I should attend as the Pack Leader and mother of two great boys. (I don’t want to be the Pack Leader, mind you, I just am. For now, I hope)

10. The cost. You have to love a sport that as you get further into it, it actually costs you less money. With barefoot running, I don’t even need to spend money on shoes! (and I’m STILL wearing those runner shorts with the disappearing crotch).

The fees for this adventure race are several times more than I usually pay for a race. It’s justified considering they supply the canoe and the life jacket. But, I also live out of state so it will cost me gas money to get to the race. If I even considered improving some of the state of affairs mentioned above, you’re talking cha-Ching for some local stores.

Let’s not forget that a trip to Kalamazoo is not complete without a trip to Bell’s Eccentric Cafe for a Best Brown Ale or Oarsman Ale. Or, perhaps, I’d take my goddaughter out for ice cream at Plainwell Ice Cream.

Yeah, my budget for the rest of the year with an ocular prosthesis on the horizon really can’t handle that kind of impact.

1. I really want to do it.

After making that list I realize that it is 10 to 1 indicating that instead of being an adventure seeker, I’m just a poser with kids and sunglasses. (wearing shorts with holes)

Maybe next year? Yeah right!

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Filed under cycling, Michigan, personality flaws, running, travel, Vibram Five Fingers